Thoughts on the Hurricane

Hurricane Sandy - Why I am Grateful Today and
Why I "Don't Know"

I am so grateful for so much.

That hurricane was crazy. I am very grateful my family came through the hurricane completely unscathed (except for some felled trees). We didn't even lose power. However, many did not come out unscathed. It is with them that my thoughts and prayers go. I spent the day chopping up trees that fell and sending messages to my friends and neighbors offering help if needed.

People lost their lives in this storm. Some more lost loved ones. Many more lost material possessions.

I am grateful that I was self-reliant today. However, I understand that the difference between self-reliance and being in a position where one needs assistance is only a "hair's breath." I am grateful I didn't have to call a tree-service, or call first responders, and that I have a chainsaw and where-with-all to do many things myself. That is a blessing. It is a blessing not everyone enjoys.

Today as I was working on the trees I was grateful for something else: the fact that my nearly 40 year old body was completely up to the task. Just last year I am not sure that would have been the case. Dealing with those trees would have been much more difficult had I not gotten into shape.

                                                                 Last Year                                       This Year

30 lbs makes a difference

As I write this though, enumerating the ways I am so blessed, even looking at my weight loss, I feel a serious sense of guilt. My children's only complaint was "it is boring inside" (and I do NOT feel guilty about that). I do feel guilty about the fact that I did not lose power, that people suffered a great deal, and that I did not. I felt guilty as I went up and down the street tonight to knock on neighbor's doors to see if they needed anything, no one did.

Is that normal, or healthy? Is it co-dependence?

This question too must be answered: Why? Why did I come out unscathed while others did not?

The standard answers (theodicies) feel textbook and unsatisfactory. "What is a theodicy? Let me enumerate" says the theologian in a stuffy voice. He goes on to talk about things like "free will" and that God does not cause the disaster, but allows it, and that it is all a part of "soul building." He talks about the Cross and how if Christ suffered so greatly, how can we expect not to, and wraps it all up with fancy words about mystery.

Well, that stinks, because it doesn't answer my immediate and pressing question, at least not on an emotional level, not in a way that satisfies. I thought this being a believer thing was all about relationship. Well, if you have a relationship with someone, and you love them, do you say to them when they are suffering and you are in a position to help them: "Hey, buck up! I know you just lost everything, including your loved one, but it's for your own good! You know, I went through this once, and worse, so you really ought not be complaining. I mean, it doesn't do any good if you do! Am I right? Am I right!? Plus, it's a big mystery, so who really knows anyway?"

With respect to the "theodicies," poppycock. I don't treat people I am "in relationship" with that way.

How come "not me," and why "someone else?"

It was just a Hurricane, nothing "huge" in the grand scheme of things (except for those people's whose lives have been completely upended), and you know what? I don't know why me and not someone else. Tomorrow is a just a day off. All I have to do is stack some free firewood that fell in my yard and play with my chainsaw.

I wish more people would say "I don't know" every once is awhile. It isn't a sign of weakness.

I don't know.

That is where it will have to sit.

Sorry this one wasn't about hunting.